Have you ever met a man who didn't enjoy receiving oral sex? If you have, please let me know because he's truly unique! But when it comes to ladies and the art of cunnilingus, there is a lot that can stand in the way of her ability to receive oral touch and to...read more
The quiet man
As a part of my masturbation coaching sessions, I teach my clients to make sounds and to vocalize their pleasure.
Most men find this very challenging because of the social conditioning they’ve been exposed to over the years.
It doesn’t seem to be acceptable to be loud during sex in our modern world which is why huge majority of men are extremely quiet during sex.
Except for an occasional grunt as he ejaculates, you won’t really hear his pleasure in any way.
But making sounds is about much more than just showing off your experience – it actually deepens your pleasure and helps your sexual energy expand through your entire body.
Can we sound?
When I encourage men to make sounds as they masturbate, they usually tell me that they couldn’t do that because they have housemates/family members/kids/etc.
I then ask them: “Do you think that your housemates don’t know that you self-pleasure?”
We’re so scared to let anybody know that we’re having sex – with someone else or with ourselves.
I’ve many times had lovers place their hand over my mouth during sex in a desperate attempt to keep our lovemaking quiet, discreet.
But I do wonder – what’s so terrible about letting people know that you’re enjoying yourself?
Why is it so terribly inappropriate to let anybody hear you while you’re losing yourself in the depths of intense pleasure?
I once shared an apartment with two gay gentlemen; they were trying to be discreet but the walls were thin…
Oh boy, these guys had a lot of sex and I always smiled amused as I heard them in their bedroom.
I wasn’t bothered by their lovemaking at all, if anything – I was curious to know how it was and what they enjoyed most!
Singing operas in bed
Recently I spoke to a girl who was not interested in making sounds in bed because she didn’t feel the need to perform for someone in any way.
She was enjoying sex without using her voice and she was rejecting the idea of using the sound to please her lover.
I explained to her that I saw it differently.
I used my voice to express my pleasure, I allowed sounds to escape my mouth because it felt good for me to do so, because my body was asking for expression in the middle of blissful pleasure.
I didn’t do it for my partner, I did for myself!
And in the process, I was experiencing much more pleasure than I ever could have without the sound.
How to sound
According to Charles Muir from Source School of Tantra Yoga, if you make a sound during orgasm, your orgasm will keep going as long as you’re voicing your pleasure.
Well, that should be a great incentive to start using your voice more!
In my experience, the vibration of the sound carries our sexual energy further than it could travel without it.
This way our ecstasy can keep going and going for much longer while the air is electric and full of moans, sighs and screams of pleasure.
Using sound during sex doesn’t have to be scary – you can start by exhaling through the mouth which will make it easier for you to sigh on each outbreath.
As you become more and more comfortable with sighing, you can make a louder sound – aaaaaaah!…
As you become more and more comfortable with the idea of using sound, your aaah! can become louder and louder and you can also start using words: Yes! Oh my god! Yeah, like that! Keep going! You’re sooooo good! That feels amazing! F*ck! I love your body/cock/pussy/breasts/…
Using voice in bed is not hard and the more you do it, the more you’ll enjoy it, meaning that you will want to do it more and more.
Almost 10 years ago I got together with a lover who loved to talk dirty.
I had never even heard anybody speak like that before and while I loved what he was doing, I couldn’t imagine myself using language so freely in bed.
Oh boy, things are very different now!
And while I love to talk dirty to my lovers in bed, I also wish they’d talk back to me a little more.
One-sided conversations are just not enough fun! 😉
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