How to Give Your Pleasure a Sound

How to Give Your Pleasure a Sound

by | May 29, 2017 | Tantric Basics, Tantric Techniques

The quiet man

As a part of my masturbation coaching sessions, I teach my clients to make sounds and to vocalize their pleasure.

Most men find this very challenging because of the social conditioning they’ve been exposed to over the years.

It doesn’t seem to be acceptable to be loud during sex in our modern world which is why huge majority of men are extremely quiet during sex.

Except for an occasional grunt as he ejaculates, you won’t really hear his pleasure in any way.

But making sounds is about much more than just showing off your experience – it actually deepens your pleasure and helps your sexual energy expand through your entire body.

 

Can we sound?

When I encourage men to make sounds as they masturbate, they usually tell me that they couldn’t do that because they have housemates/family members/kids/etc.

I then ask them: “Do you think that your housemates don’t know that you self-pleasure?”

We’re so scared to let anybody know that we’re having sex – with someone else or with ourselves.

I’ve many times had lovers place their hand over my mouth during sex in a desperate attempt to keep our lovemaking quiet, discreet.

But I do wonder – what’s so terrible about letting people know that you’re enjoying yourself?

Why is it so terribly inappropriate to let anybody hear you while you’re losing yourself in the depths of intense pleasure?

I once shared an apartment with two gay gentlemen; they were trying to be discreet but the walls were thin…

Oh boy, these guys had a lot of sex and I always smiled amused as I heard them in their bedroom.

I wasn’t bothered by their lovemaking at all, if anything – I was curious to know how it was and what they enjoyed most!

 

Singing operas in bed

Recently I spoke to a girl who was not interested in making sounds in bed because she didn’t feel the need to perform for someone in any way.

She was enjoying sex without using her voice and she was rejecting the idea of using the sound to please her lover.

I explained to her that I saw it differently.

I used my voice to express my pleasure, I allowed sounds to escape my mouth because it felt good for me to do so, because my body was asking for expression in the middle of blissful pleasure.

I didn’t do it for my partner, I did for myself!

And in the process, I was experiencing much more pleasure than I ever could have without the sound.

 

How to sound

According to Charles Muir from Source School of Tantra Yoga, if you make a sound during orgasm, your orgasm will keep going as long as you’re voicing your pleasure.

Well, that should be a great incentive to start using your voice more!

In my experience, the vibration of the sound carries our sexual energy further than it could travel without it.

This way our ecstasy can keep going and going for much longer while the air is electric and full of moans, sighs and screams of pleasure.

Using sound during sex doesn’t have to be scary – you can start by exhaling through the mouth which will make it easier for you to sigh on each outbreath.

As you become more and more comfortable with sighing, you can make a louder sound – aaaaaaah!…

As you become more and more comfortable with the idea of using sound, your aaah! can become louder and louder and you can also start using words: Yes! Oh my god! Yeah, like that! Keep going! You’re sooooo good! That feels amazing! F*ck! I love your body/cock/pussy/breasts/…

 

Using voice in bed is not hard and the more you do it, the more you’ll enjoy it, meaning that you will want to do it more and more.

Almost 10 years ago I got together with a lover who loved to talk dirty.

I had never even heard anybody speak like that before and while I loved what he was doing, I couldn’t imagine myself using language so freely in bed.

Oh boy, things are very different now!

And while I love to talk dirty to my lovers in bed, I also wish they’d talk back to me a little more.

One-sided conversations are just not enough fun! 😉

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3 Key Reasons Why You Need to Self-Pleasure

3 Key Reasons Why You Need to Self-Pleasure

by | May 23, 2017 | Tantra for Her, Tantra for Him, Tantric Basics

Taboo of adult toys

I recently got some negative feedback and accusatory comments for a video I shared on YouTube.

The video was entitled “The Toys in My Naughty Drawer” and was created to inspire others to become more curious and daring in their self-pleasuring practice.

My goal was also to give others permission to talk about masturbation openly since I was courageous enough to share not only what I keep next to my bed but also what I do with each item.

In fact, I had a lot of fun showing and describing my pleasure collection, particularly so because I do play with a few unusual things.

But not everybody agreed with me and some people argued that masturbation was only for single or lonely people who were unable to enjoy any partner sex which, according to them, was clearly a higher level of a sexual activity.

They struggled to understand that I recommended self-touch not as a last resort but as a valid experience for people who also enjoy love-making with their partners.

 

Taboo of masturbation

I was also discussing the topic of my masturbation coaching with a client who is currently going through my Legendary Lover program.

Third step in the program deals with self-pleasuring and takes the longest to cover out of all the steps.

The reason for this is very simple – masturbation is our most basic form of sexual activity and the way we self-pleasure will determine the way we make love to others.

If you touch yourself in a quick, efficient way, focused on reaching a goal – that’s how you’ll have sex with your partner.

If you take your time, engage curiosity and concentrate on deepening pleasure and connection – your partner sex experiences will be enriched by that as well.

 

Why you need to self-pleasure

1/ Self-exploration

The better you know your body, erogenous zones and your pleasure potential, the better you can guide your partner to pleasure you.

Unfortunately, in our society most people don’t actually know what they want in bed and hence, are unable to ask for it.

We are all different and we all have different needs and desires.

These needs and desires can even change daily which can be very confusing to our partners, particularly if we don’t understand them ourselves.

Once we get to know our own bodies intimately, we can support each other in exploring our sensuality and pleasure.

Because it’s much better to give each other 5 minutes of what we really, really want than 30 minutes of what we THINK the other person wants.

 

2/ Pleasure training

Our bodies learn pleasure and can get better and better at it in the same way that your muscles get stronger and stronger as you keep going to the gym.

Self-pleasuring is a wonderful way to teach your body how to feel sexual pleasure and to train and condition yourself for a lifetime of orgasmic bliss and ecstasy.

Self-touch also allows us to overcome limiting beliefs, shame and guilt about our bodies.

Touching yourself slowly, mindfully, giving yourself a loving full-body massage will re-sensitize your skin and help you develop a deeper connection with your physical sensations and your erotic self.

Plus something that not many people are aware of – nobody can give you an orgasm, they can only support you in having one.

Whether you orgasm or not, depends on you only – your level of sensitivity, of connection with your body and any limiting beliefs in your head that might be inhibiting your orgasmic ability.

 

3/ It will make you happy

Yes, as simple as that – pleasure makes us happy, relaxed and content.

Awakening our sexual energy and feeling that deeply vibrant, ecstatic force flowing through our bodies charges us, energizes us and nurtures our bodies.

Orgasms cause a huge release of pleasure hormones and neurotransmitters that flood our system giving us more satisfaction, confidence and general wellbeing.

 

However, be aware that there are two different ways to orgasm – the explosive way which will deplete you and the implosive way which will nurture you.

Get in touch with me if you’d like to learn to orgasm like a pro and channel your ecstatic energy for rejuvenation, healing and virility!

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Can Men Have Multiple Orgasms?

by | May 17, 2017 | Tantra for Him, Tantric Basics

According to the popular opinion in our society – men can only orgasm once at a time as each ejaculation is followed by a refractory period where he cannot get another erection.

The refractory period varies from man to man, depending on his age, the state of his health plus a few other variables, and it can last from a few minutes to a few days.

Usually, men feel fairly tired and drained after the climax and temporarily lose interest in sex.

After a while, men are then capable of having another erection and sometimes also, they can ejaculate for the second time.

In reality, however, this second attempt is very rare because men lose all sexual drive and energy during that first ejaculation.

And with the international average of penetration time being 5.4 minutes, modern men don’t spend a lot of time inside of their partners.

 

Is there more?

According to Tantra there is much more to masculine sexuality than this.

We’ve all heard tales of tantric men who can make love for hours.

Most people have also heard that these men do not ejaculate.

Is it all true?

And why would a man ever consciously decide not to climax?

Our society is ejaculation focused almost to the point of obsession.

Men have sex in order to climax and if there’s no peak, the intercourse feels incomplete and unfinished.

I have been asked in my sessions whether it’s bad for a man’s health if he does not ejaculate while making love.

Let me assure you – there are no health risks whatsoever linked to tantric non-ejaculatory practices, just in case you were wondering…

 

So how does it work

The secret behind being a multi-orgasmic man is the ability to separate ejaculation from orgasm.

These are two separate functions of the body that usually occur simultaneously.

Ejaculation is the pleasurable squirting of the semen while orgasm is a release of the built-up sexual energy.

When the man is ejaculating, there is such a strong focus on the external release of the semen that it literally pulls the erotic charge out of his body.

When the man can orgasm without ejaculating, his sexual energy is released internally instead of externally, allowing him to have multiple orgasms.

When that erotic charge travels through the body instead of being released externally, the man experiences a full-body orgasm which energizes and nurtures his body as the ecstatic pleasure is blissfully buzzing from his head to his toes.

 

Tantric practice

The practice of becoming a multi-orgasmic man is a process where you train your body in moving and expanding sexual energy through your entire system.

As your body becomes more and more efficient at moving your arousal freely and abundantly, you’re going to start experiencing expanded, full-body orgasms.

Your tools and techniques on this path are breathing, muscle and awareness exercises which are like training wheels on a bike – you’ll need them while training but once you’re multi-orgamic, you won’t have to use them anymore.

This practice is like going to the gym – you won’t notice much of a difference after a few days.

But after a few weeks and months – you’ll start observing changes and results.

Persistence pays off, particularly that there is a very handy side effect of this training – being able to last as long as you want in bed.

 

4-hour bliss

During my recent lovemaking session with a partner, we had sex for 4 hours straight.

I was orgasming so often and so deeply, that I entered an intense and continuous erotic trance.

I was blissed-out and ecstatic to the point of being unable to communicate anymore.

My partner could see that and was delighting in his ability to bring me so much pleasure.

I believe that every man craves the ability to see his partner in deep ecstasy.

And every man can be an amazing lover but it does take patience, training and skill.

I teach all that and more in my Tantric Mastery course for men – it’s the easiest path to take your sex game to the next level.

Visit this link for more information: Tantric Mastery for Men

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In my life, I have gone through extended periods of loving sex, of doing my best to avoid it and of feeling fairly neutral about it.

When I speak to my friends and clients, the opinions and preferences vary greatly with some women just trying to ‘get over with it’ and with others who can’t get enough of it.

Many men come to me asking for advice because they want to know how they can open up their female partners sexually.

There are women who have not had sex in years and are not missing it.

And many women I know absolutely delight in sex, pleasure and orgasms.

So where’s the truth?

 

Quality of sex

The truth is – it depends.

One of the important factors here is the quality of sex that she is getting.

If her male partner is in a rush to penetrate her and unaware of the complexity of female arousal – she’s most likely getting poor quality sex and in most cases she won’t be interested in it.

Many men treat sex purely as a way to release inside of a woman.

Many men in our society feel starved for sex and are therefore needy.

That neediness is not attractive to women and it basically tells her that you’re going to use her body for your own satisfaction only.

Guess what – if there’s nothing in it for her, she’ll be reluctant to jump into bed with you.

 

Social conditioning

Another important aspect of this question is the set of beliefs and experiences that she carries with her through life.

If she had a religious upbringing, it’s likely that she perceives sex as something wrong, sinful, dirty or simply inappropriate.

She’s scared of being labelled a ‘loose woman’ so she rejects any sexual expression in her life.

She disconnects from her body and her pleasure, focusing her energy in her mind, in playing the role of a mother, wife, co-worker, friend, etc.

And when she is having sex, she’s usually stuck in her head, trying to give her partner a lovely experience, making sex all about him.

 

Sexual trauma

A lot of women in our modern society have been abused sexually.

The severity of the abuse varies from unwanted advances, through inappropriate or nasty remarks to rape and sexual aggression.

Many women have been unable to heal these wounds and carry hurt with them throughout their lives, making it very hard for them to trust men.

If she cannot trust, she won’t feel safe and therefore she won’t surrender – to her partner or to the act of sex itself.

 

Promiscuous feminine

Deep down, feminine nature is very sensual and sexual.

In many isolated tribes and cultures around the globe, free from religious and political suppression, women are promiscuous and free of any shame about it.

They are intimate with different men (or women) and indulge in their bodily desires.

Sex is seen as a way to not only procreate but as a pastime, way to relax and connect with others.

Western women rarely are able to enjoy such freedom as our society is highly sexualized yet strongly sexually repressed at the same time.

Some women choose to ignore completely that area of their lives and that’s fine too.

But an important question to answer is: am I rejecting sex out of my free will or as a response to repressed abuse and trauma?

 

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Sex consisted of working towards an orgasm, of “efforting” to get there, with a well specified goal in mind.

I would keep moving faster, squeezing my legs tighter and tighter in an attempt to come.

Sex in itself wasn’t terribly pleasurable and for the most part – it was just a way of achieving an orgasm – usually for my male partner and rarely for myself.

Many people in our society see orgasm as a climax, a peak, a short and sharp release of sexual tension accompanied by a few seconds of intense pleasure.

After that begins a very quick and steep decline of pleasure and arousal.

 

Orgasmic Mindset

Now I know that orgasm can be much more than that and it all begins with a change of mindset.

If all you see as an orgasm is that short, sharp peak of pleasure, that’s all you’ll ever experience as orgasm.

But if you start to expand your experience of pleasure through expanding your understanding of what orgasm can be – you’re opening yourself up to deeply ecstatic states that can last for hours.

Our society is not very encouraging towards sexual and orgasmic exploration.

Many people learn about intimacy from porn and copy the actors on the screen in order to create something ecstatic in the bedroom.

Most people learn to experience those release-type orgasms that are satisfying in the short term but leave us empty and depleted in the long term.

Many clients that come to see me have an inner knowing that much more is possible, yet they have no idea how to get there.

 

Start with Mini-Orgasms

As a first step towards having expanded, longer lasting orgasms, I would like you to embrace an idea that every wave of pleasure in your body is a mini-orgasm.

And that instead of chasing an orgasm, you can simply BE with your arousal and pleasure moment by moment, without needing for anything else to happen.

Most people are so focused on the end goal in sex, that they tend to miss out on tons of pleasurable sensations in their bodies.

As soon as you’re thinking about reaching an orgasm during sex, you’re not present with the pleasure you’re experiencing – you’re actually getting ahead of yourself.

 

Cultivating States of Erotic Trance

So let go of the chase and embrace every moment, every stroke and every sensation in your body as the goals in themselves.

Instead of clenching your muscles, allow them to soften.

Instead of holding your breath, keep taking deep, slow abdominal breaths.

Instead of concentrating on orgasm, enjoy each moment with all the pleasure that it’s offering you.

Start to notice and delight in all the waves of energy, tingles and pleasurable bliss flowing through your system.

Allow yourself to simply be in pleasure, fully present and grounded in your body.

Keep letting go of any thoughts, ideas or requirements during sex.

This new attitude towards sexual pleasure will help you experience orgasmic ecstasy as continuous, flowing waves.

These waves can induce a state of a deep, erotic trance and can last for hours.

Yes, your body can really do that!

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