10 Tips to Give Her Mind-Blowing Oral

10 Tips to Give Her Mind-Blowing Oral

As much as you guys love blow jobs, we ladies can absolutely bliss out during state of art cunnilingus.

There is something truly magical about the combination of highly sensitive genitals and a gentle and wet touch of the tongue and mouth – it’s like they belong together!

And as is the case with anything in life – the better prepared and knowledgeable you are, the better you’ll be at performing it.


So here’s my 10 tips to give her state of art cunnilingus:


1/ Start by kissing and licking the rest of her body

Your tongue and mouth will feel amazing not only on her vulva but also on her chest, neck, ears, face, arms, hands, toes and thighs. Particularly inner arms and thighs and very sensitive and love gentle touch. Don’t forget that her genitals are not the only erogenous zone and make sure to explore the rest of her body first. This will awaken her pleasure and sensitivity, making it more likely for her to experience full-body orgasms.

Particularly her breasts will respond well to your oral loving.


2/ Slow down

If you’re in a rush to get to the “main bit”, you will subconsciously communicate a certain urgency to her body. You will make her feel like there’s a job to be done here, and hopefully quickly.

This will significantly reduce her ability to relax and surrender – and these two qualities are absolutely necessary for her to reach an orgasmic state.

In order for a woman to orgasm, the centre of her brain responsible for being in control needs to shut down. And this will not happen if she feels that you’re in a rush or that she’s taking too much time.

Remember: on average women need 4 times longer as men do to orgasm. Give her the time she needs and slooooooow dooooooown!


3/ Tease her

We all love to be teased! In sex it’s so true that it’s much more about the journey that it is about the destination. So don’t try to get her to any sort of outcome quickly. Play with her body, entice her desire, make her wait until she starts begging for more!

My partner loves teasing me by denying me his touch for those extra moments. When his face gets close to my vulva, without actually touching it, I can feel his breath on my skin and it’s driving me crazy with desire. My body starts writhing trying to satisfy the burning anticipation but he remains just out of reach until he’s ready to move closer.


4/ Use your breath

You can stimulate her with your breath, without actually touching her. You can breathe or blow on her vulva before you touch her or as a break from physical touch.

Use cool air by blowing as if you were blowing out a candle. Or open your mouth and make a ‘ha’ sound in order to blow warm air. Alternate between the two for a more stimulating effect.


5/ Open her up

Open her up – and I mean this physically. Pull her outer lips apart as you’re stimulating her with your breath or tongue.

This is extremely stimulating to a woman.

In the same way that your genitals yearn to penetrate, when she’s aroused her body craves to be open and penetrated.


6/ Watch the responses of her body

Remain attentive and watch out for any signs of discomfort or tension in her body.

Men usually tend to be too forceful and harsh with the vulva, they assume that she will enjoy the same level of pressure as their penis.

But this is not the case. Back away as soon as her body tenses up or pulls away from you.

When I saw a man masturbate for the first time in my life, I was shocked by the firm pressure he was using, I was certain that he was hurting himself!


7/ Treat her vulva as the most precious thing in the world

When touching, kissing and licking her genitals, imagine that they’re the most precious thing in the world. Be gentle, soft, loving, patient and kind.

As the woman gets more and more aroused, she’ll be asking for a bit firmer pressure, but always start with a very soft touch.

Always err on the side of caution – her intimate bits are extremely sensitive!


8/ Explore her entire vulva

Don’t start with the clitoris. Prepare the area first – lick, kiss and suck her outer lips, then her inner lips. Allow your tongue to luxuriously glide from her vaginal opening all the way up to her clitoris and then back down.

Make gentle circles around her clitoris and particularly make sure to stimulate her clitoral shaft (the internal part of the clitoris, above the external part) – this is very arousing for a woman.

Lick her introitus (vaginal opening) and then go back to stimulating the rest of her vulva plus the area surrounding it. Keep kissing her inner thighs, pubic bone and belly.

Only when she’s fairly aroused, start giving her clitoris even more attention.

Drawing the letters of the alphabet on her clit works particularly well!


9/ Use language

When you’re not certain whether she’s enjoying your touch – ask for feedback. When you’re wondering whether she’d like a different pressure – ask for feedback. Anytime you’re not certain about how to give her the most pleasure – ask for feedback!

Over time this will build up your familiarity with her body and will allow you to play her body like an instrument – building up her desire or backing away just at the right time in order to keep teasing her a little longer.

Another way to use language in bed is to talk dirty. And yes, I’m aware that you might be having a mouthful there but whenever you’re not, tell her how gorgeous and hot her pussy is and how much you’re loving her sweet taste.


10/ Enjoy yourself

And lastly, have a great time! The more you’re enjoying yourself, the more likely she’ll be to have an amazing time. Keep loving her pussy with your tongue, delight in caressing and kissing her, keep digging deeper and deeper into her pleasure.

If you’re not loving what you’re doing, it’s not likely that she will!

And if you want to learn more, check out my Legendary Lover online course!


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What Happens During a Sex Coaching Session

What Happens During a Sex Coaching Session

I’ve been recently asked what I do during my sessions with clients and whether I teach them different sex positions. Well, that is actually one thing I rarely ever discuss. There is a variety of possibilities in the area of sex positions shown online and anybody can look them up if they’re curious.

But it did get me thinking as I realized that most people are not certain what happens during a session with a sex coach. The truth is that pretty much every session is different and all strongly depends on the particular problems and questions that my clients seek help with. Certain elements are fairly common and others – hugely unique.

So I am going to describe a session I ran recently with Greg (not his real name).


Case study

Greg is 32 and has been married for 3 years. Being still very young and in a fairly recent marriage, he was very concerned that his desire for intimate contact with his wife was significantly reducing each year and that at that stage they were having intercourse about once a month.

He masturbated regularly, always using porn and felt guilty about that. He wanted to let go of his porn addiction and re-connect sexually with his wife.

He also noticed that he wasn’t experiencing a lot of pleasure during sex and that his orgasms were premature and quite disappointing in intensity.


Marriage and desire

I started off explaining to him that a reduced desire in a long-term relationship is a very natural and common thing. Our bodies and minds are structured in a way that, with increased familiarity, the attractiveness of our partner declines. This is nature’s way of dealing with the risk of incest and this is why an exotic stranger is always more appealing sexually than our spouse.

We had a chat about the risks of allowing the intimacy to decline in a marriage and I also described beautiful practices, rituals and techniques that can help long-term partners rekindle the spark between them and bring back the passion.


Excessive use of porn

Greg was already making an effort to watch porn less and less so I coached him in healthier ways to enjoy sex videos and gave him easy and effective ways to have much more embodied experiences during masturbation. I also explained how porn trains our arousal to happen through the mind instead of the body.

The most natural way of becoming aroused is through touch, closeness, kiss, embrace – all these things happen at the level of the body, these are physical experiences. And porn stimulates our minds and then indirectly our genitals.

Another problem with porn is that it wires our nervous systems to react with excitement to highly stimulating images, full of action, arousal, multiple partners and even aggression. After a while our spouses have no chance of matching this level of excitement in our own bedroom.

So as we’re overstimulating our nervous systems through intense, aggressive porn on a regular basis, we become more and more de-sensitized. Due to the reduced sensitivity of our bodies, our own touch or our partner’s touch becomes simply not enough, giving us lessened sensations of pleasure and a lot less excitement.


Orgasmic training

Next we moved onto discussing his homework. I described in detail a beautiful and blissful self-touch ritual and gave him different techniques to play and experiment with. I also explained the best ways to find out more about particular things that would work best for his own preferences and desires.

At our next session, he described being completely mind-blown and ecstatic. He had never before experienced sexual pleasure outside of his genital area or arousal that lasted longer than a few minutes.


Enlightening sessions

This is just one example of what might happen in a sex coaching session.

As a somatic sexologist, I don’t just talk to my clients. I also work with their bodies, teaching them to breathe, to move, to sound, to feel and to experience things in a completely new way. Some of my friends refer to this as a neck-down-therapy as opposed to the regular therapy model (the neck-up-therapy) where the therapist only uses conversation.

I feel very lucky to be able to work both with the mind and with the body as the sex primarily happens in the body. Instead of just explaining things to my clients, I can also show them through a variety of very practical homework experiences.

Greg called our sessions “enlightening” and left them profoundly inspired.


P.S. Get in touch with me about my sex therapy sessions or check out my online courses!

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