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Most people in our society still have a lot of hangups around their anuses. We consider them dirty, shameful and anal touch – wrong and embarrassing. The truth is that the anus is extremely nerve rich, making it a very sensitive spot, able to receive and enjoy a lot of pleasure.
Both men and women are capable of experiencing intense pleasure in their anuses. However, in order to have a truly enjoyable experience, you need to be aware of the rules of anal sex.
Dr. Jack Morin was an American pioneer in the field of anal pleasure, and over many years he had done a lot of marvellous work helping men and women reclaim erotic pleasure in their anuses and to heal the phenomenon of “genital hole” – a high degree of dissociation and numbness many people experience there. I learned a lot from him about anal touch and if you are interested in delving into this subject much deeper, you should definitely research his work.
Here is what you need to know in order to be successful in your anal play:
1/ Anal touch should never, ever hurt. If it does – you are doing it wrong. Anal sphincters are muscle rings located at the entrance of the anus which are meant to keep things moving out. If something is introduced from the outside (a finger, penis or a toy), these muscles will tense up in order to stop the intrusion. Instead of forcing items in, you need to massage the anus externally first, in order to relax the sphincters before the insertion.
2/ There is no natural lubrication in the anus so you always need to use a lubricant during an anal play. I recommend coconut oil.
3/ Past the anal sphincters, you will encounter the rectum. Faeces are not normally stored in there until just before the bowel movement. You can, however, encounter traces of faeces in there. If that is a problem for either of you, I recommend having an enema.
4/ For most couples, anal sex does not include using the penis. Instead, they prefer using fingers or toys. Oral stimulation of the anus is called rimming and can be a source of a lot of pleasure. Using vibrating toys externally or internally can add an exciting level of pleasure.
5/ There are health risks associated with anal contact and if you are worried about STI’s, make sure to use a barrier – a condom for insertion or a dental dam for rimming.
6/ Keep communicating during the experience. The person being penetrated always has the final say when it comes to the anal stimulation. Nothing should be inserted into the anus until the recipient of the touch is ready and keen. As soon as they say ‘stop’, this should be fully respected. The anus is a highly sensitive area and as such, it can be both a source of a lot of pleasure and a lot of pain. As soon as the pleasure turns into pain, all touch should be stopped.
7/ Many men enjoy prostate stimulation. The prostate is located on the belly side of the rectum, about two knuckles in.
8/ It is possible to experience anal orgasms, even without any direct genital stimulation. In my experience, this is not very common but it does happen sometimes; particularly when the person being anally stimulated is not determined to have an orgasm, but rather is completely immersed in the moment and in the pleasure they are experiencing, without any goals or expectations.
9/ If you are using toys, make sure to pick the ones with a flared base as it is possible to lose items inside the anus.
10/ Due to a sedentary lifestyle, trauma or shame, many people hold chronic tension inside the anus which can make insertion difficult and uncomfortable. In such cases, I recommend gently inserting the tip of your own finger into the anus while in the shower or a bath and trying to consciously relax the anal sphincters. When done on a regular basis, this practice will allow you to enjoy anal stimulation much more.
If you are still feeling a bit uncertain about anal stimulation, I would recommend using nitrile gloves. This can provide a level of comfort to both parties from the hygiene perspective, and also for the protection of the receiver as nails or hard skin can feel unpleasant against the soft tissue of the anal canal.
As long as you are keeping in mind the rules of anal sex, you are very likely to give your beloved a very beautiful, safe and even ecstatic experience of anal pleasure.
Above all, take your time, stay curious, keep checking in with her and use plenty of lubrication. You might even discover that your partner becomes open to the idea of anal intercourse if this is something she had been opposed to before.
– from “Legendary Lover: 6 Essential Steps to Having Great Sex” by Helena Nista
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