Kindness in a Long Term Couple

Kindness in a Long Term Couple

Hot coffee and biscuits

Every time I visit Rachel and Greg, they make me a coffee. Or more specifically, Greg makes us coffee. He does it old style – no fancy coffee machines, just a kettle, glasses, strainer and coffee.

It’s a bit of a ritual and it takes a while but I don’t mind. Their household has got that special quality to it where time slows down and nothing needs to happen soon. Usually only houses of retired people feel this way and I happily allow myself to soak in that relaxed, soothing atmosphere.

While Greg is busy with the coffee, Rachel is preparing his favourite biscuits. Next we all sit down and chat. Coffee is hot and the biscuits are yummy.

Rachel addresses her husband ‘love’ and gently touches his hand as she speaks to him. He doesn’t say much but every time he looks at her, there is an ocean of love and warmth in his eyes.

I’ve known Rachel and Greg for a few years now. They are both in their sixties and they’re close friends of mine. They have been together for many years and they inspire me as a couple every time I see them.

 

Forgotten romance

As a general rule, I don’t have a lot of faith in marriage. Usually the moment people get married, sex frequency starts to reduce, the romance ends and they start taking each other for granted. They don’t look at each other with that special spark in their eyes anymore and the partner is over time downgraded from ‘the love of my life’ to ‘the annoyance of my life’.

Everybody loves the initial ‘honeymoon’ period of the relationship but past the first two years, people seem to forget just what a special thing it is to be in love with someone special.

 

Value of kindness

As I’m dipping my biscuit in hot coffee while waiting for it to cool down, I watch the interaction between Rachel and Greg. Each time I see them they remind me of the incredible value of kindness in a long-term relationship.

A lot of people are capable of affording amazing acts of compassion and kindness towards strangers but do not bring the same level of love and understanding into their daily interaction with a spouse/partner.

Alain de Botton describes it beautifully in his talks. He tells us that we should treat each other as we would treat a child. When a child throws a tantrum, we do not get upset and accuse the child of spiteful intentions. We assume the child is in pain, distress or tired. We comfort the child and offer it compassion and soothing touch.

But when our partner acts in an upsetting manner, we get offended and assume that they are being deliberately hurtful.

 

Shift your relating

Let’s try offering each other more kindness and compassion in our everyday lives. Instead of jumping to conclusions and getting angry, let’s offer each other a deeper level of love and patience.

This change alone has a potential of creating an incredibly powerful shift in our relating.

I’ll let you in on a little secret: deep down nobody really wants to upset anybody else. Whenever your partner, or anybody else for that matter, acts in a way that seems unpleasant, it’s usually because they are having a difficult time themselves. It’s very likely that they are not even aware that you are perceiving their words and actions as upsetting.

So dig deeper and get to the bottom of things. Show heart and compassion by looking them deeply in the eye and saying “You seem angry/stressed/tired/frustrated/…, what’s wrong? How can I help you or make you feel better?”.

That kind of compassion and kindness can shift your entire day and in a long term – your entire relationship.

Show kindness and heart, not impatience and annoyance!

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How to Give a Man a Lingam Massage

How to Give a Man a Lingam Massage

Last week I shared with you beautiful strokes and techniques of a yoni massage that men can pamper their partners with. This week we’re continuing in the spirit of giving and offering love, intimacy, affection and pleasure. And now it’s time for ladies to offer genital massage to their partners – what’s called ‘Lingam massage’ in Tantra.

Below is a selection of my favourite penis strokes for most pleasure, fun and bliss.

But ladies – do make sure to go slow and tease your partner instead of making him cum quickly. This massage should take at least 30 minutes so if he’s getting too aroused, stop the genital stimulation and guide him to relax and breathe deeply. Once his erection goes down a bit, you can resume the lingam strokes.

 

Tips: use massage oil, keep asking for feedback, be creative, have fun!

1/ Waking up the area: massage the groin, gently massage the scrotum (pull the skin, tug on pubic hair, scratch, caress – don’t massage the testicles, just the scrotal skin), massage pubic bone.

2/ Sweeping it up: place hands on inner left thigh and sweep along the thigh up over the penis and down the inside of the other thigh. Repeat back and forth a few times.

3/ Jiggle: cup your hand over the head of the penis so your fingertips hold the top of the shaft and jiggle your hand making a vibration. Stop and jiggle again.

4/ Rock around the clock: firmly stroke along the shaft of the penis, one palm after the other from the base up the head, then starting again at the base. Keep changing the direction so you take the lingam through all the hours of the clock. In the 12 o’clock you’re stroking towards the navel, at 6 o’clock – straight down.

5/ Up and down: hold his lingam at the middle of the shaft with the left hand just below the right. Have the lower hand stroke from the middle of the shaft down to the base and as the upper hand strokes at the same time from the middle up over the head. Add a little twist for an extra sensation.

6/ Infinite penetration: make a circle with the thumb and fingers of your left hand and take that circle over the head of his wand so it has to push through, like entering your yoni. Now put your other hand on top of that, making an open fist like the cylindrical shape of the barrel. Slide your hands down so the lingam passes through both hands until the circle on your left hand reaches the base of his lingam. Then immediately start him entering a circle made again with your left hand and so on.

7/ Pop the cork: imagine your dominant hand is a bottle opener. Have the palm facing upwards and the head of his lingam gently held between your well-oiled first and second knuckles. With the base of his lingam held by your other hand, run your upper hand along the top half of the penis shaft in a twisting motion as though you were popping  cork.

8/ Making fire: roll the lingam between the palms of your hands as if you were rubbing two sticks together to create a fire. The lingam is the fire stick. Start slowly, build up to a faster pace, then slow down again.

9/ Stroking the frenulum: if your man has a foreskin, gently pull it down. Support the lingam with your fingers while your thumbs are massaging the frenulum in circles. Get feedback as this area can be extremely sensitive.

10/ Juicer: hold the lingam at the base, with the other hand act as if you were juicing a lemon on the head of his penis. Use your fingertips to make circular motion to ‘juice’ up and down along the shaft.

11/ Lingam shiatsu: support the penis with your fingers while your thumbs make circular strokes all the way up the shaft, from the base up to the head.

 

You can print out these tips or memorize them. But definitely give this massage a go and comment below on your partner’s reaction!

And if you’re curious to learn more, I offer over 50 more lingam strokes in my Legendary Lover online course for men!

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How to Give a Woman a Yoni Massage

How to Give a Woman a Yoni Massage

Yoni massage is a beautiful ceremony of worshipping your partner’s body and genitals. It should be offered as a gift – you won’t require her to do anything for you afterwards. This gift comes from a place of love and generosity. She might choose to have sex with you after the massage or she might just want to cuddle or talk. Do not pressure her to do anything, allow her to just receive.

 

You should start by preparing the space – cleaning the bedroom and beautifying it. You can prepare some music, bring candles, extra cushions, incense sticks, etc. It should be warm enough and cozy.

Next invite her to sit down on the bed with you and tell her something beautiful about her. Tell her what you love about her, what you appreciate about her, what you’re looking forward to, etc.

After that spend a few minutes simply looking into her eyes. Eye-gazing is a very simple, yet deeply profound ritual of connection and intimacy.

 

When she’s ready, invite her to lie down and spend at least 15 minutes relaxing her body. Use gentle, soft, flowing strokes. Imagine that you’re making love to her skin with your hands.

Once she’s deeply relaxed, you can begin to massage her genitals – her yoni. Here is a list of tips and strokes that you will find useful. Make sure to also use your creativity and imagination. This process is not set in stone and should flow in response to what her body wants and needs.

 

Tips: use massage oil, take your time, keep asking for feedback and remember to have fun!

1/ Waking up the area: massage lower abdomen in circular strokes, rest one hand over the genitals, the other one on the heart, massage the groin, knead and scratch the pubic mound, grab fingerfuls of pubic hair and pull.

2/ Vibrate the vulva: place your entire hand over the vulva. Hold and vibrate.

3/ Saying hello: with well-oiled hands pet the vulva with long, slow strokes from top to bottom.

4/ Outer labia massage: hold left outer labia between your thumb and fingertips and lovingly massage. Go slowly. Repeat on the other side.

5/ Inner labia massage: hold left inner labia between your thumb and fingertips and lovingly massage. Go slowly. Repeat on the other side.

6/ Tour de France: with one hand gently pull the pubic mound up toward the belly to open up the vulva. With a finger of your other hand, trace a circle between inner and outer labia from the perineum to above the clitoris and back to the perineum. For extra yum, add a little loop around the clitoris.

7/ Divine drumming: tap the inner thighs and vulva with your flat hand, as if playing a drum. Ask for feedback – harder? softer? faster? slower?

8/ Breath of spring: gently part the labia and blow air on them.

9/ Rock around the clit clock: pretend that the clitoris is the center of a clock. With your finger, make tiny circles immediately to the side of the clit, stopping at the location of each hour.

10/ Insert one finger: ask for permission and use lots of oil. Very slowly, insert one finger in the vagina. Don’t do anything once you’re inside, just be there.

11/ The four directions: with one or two fingers inside the vagina, stroke or press firmly upward (toward the ceiling). Turn your hand 90 degrees clockwise and press to one side. Turn your hand 90 degrees again and press downward (toward the floor). Turn your hand 90 degrees clockwise once more and press to the other side. Repeat.

12/ The G-spot: locate and massage the entire urethral sponge with one or two fingers.

13/ The doorbell: press firmly on the g-spot, as if ringing a doorbell. Press, release, press, release…

14/ Kegels: invite your partner to add kegels.

This is really just the beginning and in my Legendary Lover course I teach over 50 more yoni strokes.

This massage is a very special experience for any woman as it will place her in a state of a trance-like ecstatic bliss. However, orgasm should never be an end goal here. If she orgasms – great! If she doesn’t – no problem. She will experience the level of pleasure she has likely never felt before and it will take her into a place of deep pleasure and satisfaction.

The massage should take at least 30 minutes or more, depending on how generous you’re feeling!

The main point is – take your time and stay present with her body, watch her responses, keep checking for feedback and enjoy!

Tip: click here for an amazing Lingam Massage for men!

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I Am a Slut – My Coming Out Story

I Am a Slut – My Coming Out Story

I’m one of those people who never stop to learn. I’m a bit of an education addict! 

In order to deepen my expertise in working with women, I recently attended the Beyond Yoni Massage training run by Eyal Matsliah, a very gifted and experienced male practitioner. He has worked almost exclusively with women for many years now and I was curious to learn more about his approach.

One of the first questions he asked us was about what challenges us in sex. I don’t experience too many challenges in this area anymore, however, I was still able to pinpoint something.

 

What challenges you in sex?

I see myself as a slut – a woman who enjoys sex and pleasure. Who knows what she wants and can ask for it. Who sees sex as a beautiful gift to be enjoyed, as a crucial aspect of her life to be celebrated and cherished.

I sleep with men not because I want to have their babies, not because I want to marry them, not because I want to convince them to love me. I sleep with them because I want to and because I enjoy it. I self-pleasure on a regular basis and I love, love, love orgasms!

A lot of people in our society have a problem with a woman like me and this is what challenges me. There is a negative stigma attached to the word ‘slut’ and even in today’s day and age, some people feel it’s appropriate to shame me for my ways.

I find it challenging to let go of the fear that I might be judged, criticized or rejected. Particularly when I’m connecting with a new lover, there’s usually a tiny little voice at the back of my head whispering: “Will he abandon me because I slept with him too soon?”.

 

But I wear the ‘slut’ label with pride. 

I’m not the only person out there who enjoys sex. Actually, after working with over 1,000 clients over the last few years, nobody ever said to me “You know, I really don’t like sex, I wish I never had to do it!”.

Probably the phrase I hear most often is: “I don’t know about other men, but I am a really sexual person!”. I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard that!

And as much as there are exceptions to everything – some people might have had traumatic experiences that cause them to experience some sort of distress during any sexual activity – the rest of us, regular population, really, really, really enjoy sex.

So after coming out to a group of twenty or so people at the workshop, now I’m coming out to you.

 

I am a slut and I want you to know it.

I also want to know your reaction to it. Did this trigger you, disgust you, shock you? Are you not certain how to respond? Or maybe you’re feeling empowered, open and touched by my sharing?

I hope to give you a permission to own and to savour your sexuality. I hope to encourage your voice and your expression when it comes to your pleasure and connection with your body.

Through my work I hope to give you tools and techniques that will be helpful with reclaiming your body as erotic. And I want you to see your sexuality as beautiful, natural and healthy.

Just as I see mine!

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