My Experience at SexCamp

My Experience at SexCamp

I have just returned from my first ever SexCamp, now officially called ‘Celebrating Sexuality’. Located in a beautiful natural location in Victoria, it was a weekend packed with workshops run by Australian and international presenters. I have been to previous sex festivals and had a good idea about what to expect there – engaging information, wonderful people, breathtaking surroundings, yummy food and a very respectful atmosphere with their drug and alcohol free policy.

As I arrived on Friday afternoon, things started fairly slowly. We settled down into our tents and dorms, unpacked and had dinner. The first round of workshops started that evening at 9pm. Workshops were run in four spaces so you always had to choose one out of four options.

Very tired, I went straight to bed after it ended at 11pm. It wasn’t till the next day when things got real and spicy.

I went to a qigong class at 7am and then attended a discussion about gender fluidity in our society. It was very interested to learn that gender and sexual orientation are way more complex than we believe. Did you know that about the same amount of people are born every year with genital configuration that does not match their gender expression, as people who have red hair? That’s a lot of people! This is why we really need to start understanding and accepting in our modern world all the transsexual and genderfluid people. Binary understanding of sex and gender (male or female) is not accurate and quite discriminatory towards all people who do not match these criteria. And besides why do we need to categorize people according to this system anyways? Why does it matter whether we’re male, female or ‘other’? What does it change? And why do we need to choose?

These are all questions worth pondering…

Next I had a deeply embodied experience at the tantric de-armouring workshop and I got to scream my lungs out – very healing and empowering!

After lunch I joined a group of other participants at an experience of reclaiming our inner sluts. Wow! It was so much fun and so liberating! I had been slut shamed previously in my life which left me sad and confused. I really took that on for a while, I slept on it, I spoke to my friends about it, even consulted a professional therapist. In the end I realized that pretending to be a prude was not real to me and that my rich and colourful sexuality demanded an expression. And if a man could not handle it, then he simply was not the right guy for me!

Next I headed to the ‘Rite of passage’ ritual which truly left me mind blown. I had never experienced one before and had no idea what to expect. As I watched the facilitator running a presentation for us, my jaw dropped and I had a startling realization that I could never, ever do what she had just done. Her ‘performance’ seemed way too dramatic to me and I simply couldn’t act out anything this powerful. To my absolute surprise, her presentation actually activated my body and within ten minutes, I was in my own rite of passage, deep in my pain, anger and rage! It was beautiful, it was deep, it was transformative and very healing. I would repeat it in a heartbeat, the next chance I get!

After dinner, we had an extremely entertaining workshop on erotic massage run by a man who “wanked off half of Manhattan”, in his own words. I loved his fun and engaging approach!

I didn’t have it in me to stay past 10pm for a fashion parade and a party so I went to bed.

The next day, the fun, healing and interactions continued…


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Teenagers and Intimacy

Teenagers and Intimacy

I was recently invited to speak about sex to a group of teenage boys at their fortnightly gathering. This particular group is led by two amazing men – Rob McDowell and Kurt Shean who teach the boys about being kind, conscious and confident men in our society. The boys range from 13 to 15 years old and are a very lively, curious and outspoken group.

Not surprisingly, the topic of the evening was being a lover. After Rob and Kurt started with an introduction of the subject, the boys were then asked to prepare the tent for my arrival. When I got there, the tent was decorated with colourful cushions, plants and a delicious feast was served.

I introduced myself as a sex coach and the boys welcomed it with a happy laughter. I smiled. I’m sure they had no idea such a profession even existed!

As the boys seemed fairly intimidated at first by my presence, Kurt started asking questions that have previously arisen. The boys wanted to know how to talk to a girl that they liked, how to tell whether she just likes them or really, really likes them, how to tell if they can touch or kiss her and if so, how to do it.

It was only a matter of time before more intimate topics were brought up. I spoke to them about porn, masturbation, erectile difficulties and sex. I coached them on how to self-pleasure in order to prepare their bodies for a lifetime of long-lasting, satisfying sex and pleasure. I explained why porn isn’t real sex and what real sex actually is. We touched on premature ejaculation and problems maintaining erection.

That’s when the boys started to feel fairly comfortable with me and started asking questions that were really burning inside – we talked about losing virginity, anal sex and ways of getting attention of the ladies. We spoke about creating a deep, intimate connection with a woman and about showing up as a man. I talked to them about rape, consent, respect and boundaries.

As I was talking, I kept thinking that I needed a week with them, not an evening! There was so much I wanted to share, so much depth I wanted to show them but was unable to because of lack of time.

There were quite a lot of giggles and that was ok. The boys were not used to talking about such intimate and vulnerable aspects of their lives. But I guess if they took just one thing out of our evening together, I would like them to know that it is possible and healthy to talk about sex in a positive, open way. And that there are out there people like me who can help if things don’t go well in the bedroom.

The state of sexual education in our modern world is fairly poor and teenagers usually have no one to talk to when it comes to their emerging sexuality. The parents feel awkward about these conversations, teachers in school are not prepared to handle such topics and young people feel very unsupported when it comes to intimate subjects. They resort to learning from the internet, often from porn, and over the years that route leads them to disconnection, rushed sex, premature ejaculation issues or erectile difficulties.

We need to start talking to our kids in an open and mature way about sex. Teaching them only about STIs and pregnancies is not enough. In our world, people seek sex for a variety of reasons and procreation is only one of them. And sex itself is so much more than penetration. Our society equals sex to intercourse but this is only a small fragment of the story.

I hope to create a change in our sexual education and introduce Tantra to high schools. When young people learn at the very beginning of their sexual journey about intimacy, connection, sexual communication, consent, giving and receiving consciously and sacred nature of sexuality, they will save themselves and their partners decades of frustration and poor sex.


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