The whole debate about equality and the rights of same-sex couples to marry really got me thinking.
Personally I don’t believe in marriage – most of them end in divorce and these separations are among the most stressful, depressing and expensive experiences many couples ever encounter.
Besides, if you were to buy a house that fell apart in at least 60% of cases, would you still buy it?
I don’t believe that I need to involve the state in my personal affairs and am very happy to remain in a de-facto relationship.
I also like to think that my partner is with me because he WANTS to be with me, not because it would be a big hassle and expense to separate from me.
I also like to know that if our time together comes to an end, we don’t need to spend a fortune on lawyers in order to go separate ways.
But I recently spoke to a friend of mine, a psychotherapist, who married his partner after being with her for over 10 years.
And in his words: “after getting married, things do change between the two of you”.
The smile on his face left me with no doubt that things changed for the better in his relationship.
So I started to wonder – what changes and how does it affect us?
My immediate response is: “the commitment of the marriage creates a container of safety that tells both partners that nobody will just walk out if things get tough”.
I also recently read in “What makes love last?” by John Gottman, Ph.D.: “In the United States, couples who cohabitate without an engagement usually have a low-trust relationship, according to extensive research by Philip Blumstein and Pepper Schwartz, described in their book ‘American couples’ (1983). Schwartz expected to find that the longer a couple lived together, the more their trust level would mirror a married couple’s, but their research found the opposite.”
This makes me curious…
While I’m still not terribly convinced about the value of marriage, I want to know if it changed your relationships and how!
Let me know!