I was recently involved in a conversation where these words were spoken by a man:
“She stayed with him for the sex.”
I stopped to think about it.

I realized that I had never heard these words before.
“She stayed with him for the sex.”
No, it just didn’t feel right…

Women stay with men for a variety of reasons: for love, for money, for convenience, for the kids, etc.
But for the sex??
I have never heard of such a woman. I can’t actually even imagine that this would ever be true, particularly if we’re talking about a serious, committed long-term relationship.

In this instance, the relationships had been going for 8 years so it was definitely a committed one.


I thought back about all these incredibly amazing tantric lovers that I had been with in my life.
Some I stayed with for 3 days, some for 3 months.
But once the excitement, curiosity or the crush were gone, so was I.
To be honest, I will lose interest in the most amazing lover in the world if the emotional connection is lacking.

Barry Long, an amazing teacher and author, says that a concept of a nymphomaniac is purely a male fantasy – women like that don’t exist in reality.

Even if she enjoys sex tremendously, she will not pursue it in an uncontrollable way, to the detriment of her life, family or wellness.

She will not be prepared to spread her legs anytime and with anybody in order to achieve sexual satisfaction.
I agree and I think that to think that a woman would value sex so much that she would stay with a man for it, is also a male fantasy.


All women love great sex – some more than others.
But for a woman, a true joy and satisfaction in life comes from loving and being loved.
A woman in love will go to extreme lengths in order to care for the man she loves, even if he’s a poor lover.

I know that I would rather be with a man that I love with my entire heart, than with a man who knows all the amazing positions and tricks in the bedroom but we don’t share much otherwise.

Amazing lovemaking skills are always a bonus but that’s all that they are – a bonus.

I do teach how to have great sex but one of the things I teach men is how to fill her heart, not just her vagina.

If she’s full of your love, she’ll stay.

If she feels that you both are meant to be together and that you share an incredibly special connection, she’ll stay.

If she loves you so much she wants to grow old with you, she’ll stay.


So whether you’re a Tantric lover or a Legendary lover, make sure that the heart connection comes first.

Because this is the most potent magical spell you can ever cast on her!


What Your Sexual Fantasy Says About You

A few years ago, I attended a week-long tantric retreat in Czech Republic, together with about 30 other women. The retreat took us deep into our sexuality and we explored the flow of orgasmic energy in our bodies. We danced, we laughed and we shared. It...

read more

Does Our Culture Sexually Empower Women

As a sexual educator, I speak to men and women from all sorts of backgrounds, ages, social status, and beliefs. And I get a very real, honest and close look at what’s happening in people’s bedrooms and people’s minds. My clients talk to me about their...

read more

Healing Wounds in a Relationship

One of the most beautiful gifts that we gain from being in an intimate relationship with another is the emotional support that we get from them. And some of our deepest healing is done within the safety of a committed intimacy.

read more