As a sexual educator, I speak to men and women from all sorts of backgrounds, ages, social status, and beliefs. And I get a very real, honest and close look at what’s happening in people’s bedrooms and people’s minds. My clients talk to me about their sexuality, about something they rarely talk to anybody else about… if ever.
And I keep seeing an age-old struggle between men, who crave and desire a sexual expression as a natural and healthy aspect of their relationships, and women who usually have a hard time reconciling sex with everything else they’ve learned over the years about who they’re meant to be as women, wives and mothers.
In the age of revealing dresses and Beyonce fans, we might think that women have completely overcome the patriarchal influences and that the feminist movement has finally brought us to a place of sexual liberation and freedom from shame, guilt or embarrassment about sex. But that’s not really the case for a huge majority of people out there in the world. When I entered the field of Tantra, my outlook on pleasure, sexuality, and my own life changed dramatically. And since then I’ve been doing my best to change the lives of my clients and whoever else will listen.
An average woman is NOT sexually empowered. She rarely knows that the only goal of sex ISN’T man’s satisfaction. She most likely has never heard before that she can ask for what SHE wants in bed and that her satisfaction is as important as his. Yes, this situation is slowly changing and thank god for that! But an average woman still quietly puts up with premature penetration and discomfort during sex, while he’s mechanically pounding her cervix in her dry, unaroused vagina.
ACCORDING TO A STUDY, ABOUT 75% OF MEN ALWAYS REACH ORGASM DURING INTERCOURSE, WHILE ONLY ABOUT 25% OF WOMEN CAN SAY THE SAME.
And orgasm is definitely not the only way to determine a satisfactory love-making but imagine a scenario: a man is penetrating a woman. She orgasms, rolls over and falls asleep, leaving him frustrated and unsatisfied. HOW OFTEN HAS THIS BEEN YOUR EXPERIENCE?
I’m guessing that in your experience this has happened very little or never. However, the reverse situation is extremely common in majority of bedrooms across the world. And women accept this as a normal standard.
How often do men get slut shamed? At one point in my life, I went out with a man in a tantric community who slut shamed me for sleeping with him on a first date. As he did that, my heart painfully dropped, filling me with guilt and shame. However, he slept with me on our first date too, yet, I was the one getting slut shamed. Why? Because he was sexually entitled and I was not. And what I mean by entitlement is this: men often feel entitled to receive their pleasure, satisfaction and orgasm during sex but for women, it’s usually not as appropriate or expected.
The majority of young people today learn about sex from porn and bring that example into their bedrooms. Young girls learn that they have to give blow jobs in order to be accepted in their peer groups. They end up in hospitals with bleeding anuses because they feel they need to oblige their boyfriends to satisfy what they feel like they’re entitled to from seeing it in porn.
I think that boys get this impression early that they can take whatever they want sexually. Whereas girls pick up that their role is to please the man, not to have what they themselves want.
This blog is not a comparison who has it better or a blaming finger pointed at men. It’s a simple observation of what the broader society is showing me and I’m bringing attention to what still needs to change before we can talk about any form of sexual equality in our society.
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